Or a combination of both. I started driving lessons again. I asked for a patient instructor. I got a hardass.
Hoping it works for me and I can meet up to his expectations. I'll try my best at least but driving is most definately not something I find at all easy. I'm scared of failing but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying my best.
Its added mountains to my stress levels though. This morning I was ok. A little juttery maybe from having a new instructor since my last one dumped me for some unknown reason. I got home after my first lesson with the new instructor and have been bounching with tension since.
I even had to do umpteen paces, bounches and chin ups before I could calm down enough to sit down and watch my reward episode of something. I also bit and hit myself, but nothing too bad. I've done more bounches, paces and chin ups since. I'm still not completely what I like to call 'stable' - which basically just refers to my mood seeming stable.
At least it means I get a lot of exercise when I am stressed. I am trying to muscle up a little so I guess it could be useful.
It could also be my blood sugar, or most likely a combination of the two. I'll have to keep a closer eye on what I eat. I have been eating more sugars lately given all the christmas leftovers and lack of other foods. Maybe if I get that in order I'll feel more stable.
I just feel like I can run forever, but I know that even if that takes the edge off for a little while it won't last long. I'll probuly be using the treadmill a lot more over the next few weeks.
I just have to keep thinking that when I pass this test I won't have to bother with any driving instructors again. I just have to keep focused and not fall off the rails because of this.
If I just stick with it, by the end of feb I could be free. With a licence I'll be able to drive a car. With that I can have more freedom to live my own life. I just have to stick with it.
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