My little sister is reaching new levels of stupid behaviour

Though I do find it amusing how she is basically following 'the classic youngest child rebelious behaviour' to a tee. I wonder if she has some manual or book she is following? Yet she believes shes so hard core, and the first and best one out there to be doing these things, and of course making a complete fool of herself.

It is sad how she is throwing away her future though for some short term 'fitting in'. She'll realise eventually but I think in the mean time her grade, career, health and life choices will suffer.

However since she wont listen to any kind of solutions to her problems, and all her behaviour is dependent on the behaviour of others I'm trying to stay out of it. Though it is hard. Its like when you watch a film and the main charater does something so obviously stupid you can't help but shout at the tv, then shut it off because you can't believe anyone would be that idiotic. Only this time I can't shut the tv off, and yes that charater keeps on doing unbelievably stupid things.

I've got to sort out my life first. If all goes totally perfect then I should be leaving home in september 2012. So at least then I won't have to watch this train wreak anymore.

It turns out

My cat is afraid of foil. Like the kind that you wrap up easter eggs in.

I've added it to the list along with newspaper, vacuums, anything that makes a sudden noise, anything that is new, etc, etc, etc.

I think I might be happy

This past week I have been doing not much else than studying. Mainly physics, with chemistry and biology thrown in too as well as research methods. Its brilliant. Except for the research methods, thats ok but doesn't make me happy like the sciences.

I just wish it would all stay in my brain forever. I seem to learn a lot then most of it falls out seconds later. Its really sad. I just really hope I am retaining more than I think I am.

Hopefully it will get better once I have done this exam next month, then as long as I pass it I can say goodbye to advanced statistics for a while. Of course, I then have to say hello to ethography until sep/oct time but hopefully that will be a little easier.

Oh I love my gamsat book. Why can't other things be as fun to learn about as science?

Next move

Attended an informal interview at a hospital for some volunteer work. I hope I get it.

I have this great game on my phone called 'speed anatomy' its brilliant. I'm starting to get quite nifty at naming bones which is my favourite section.

I'm more behind on my revision work than I would like. Its disapointing. I find all I want to do when I get home from work is collapse in front of a good documentary. I manage some revision, but its not enough.

Unless my boss pulls some suprising tricks - which he has been known to do. I will get thursday and friday off. I'll either have a major gamsat revision day and a major research method revision day or just chop each day in half. Not sure which one yet.

And for the first time in months I'm giving myself the night off. I'm going to come home from work, get dvds and chinese and have a movie night. Thats the idea anyway. Sleep sounds real good right now as well.

Hooked

Finished notes on the general chemistry section. Now onto physics. I never really liked physics and left it after gcse but I loved the first chapter. I'm not sure its all about the subject - maybe theres just some euphoria I feel when I get to learn new things. The only problem is that its reached that tipping point.

Sometimes theres a feeling I get, particually when I've been revising for a while that any day, hour sometimes even minute when I haven't learned something fulfilling my brain gets hungry. Its an odd way of describing it, but its an odd feeling to describe. Its this empty nagging feeling in my head and it makes me twitch and pace like a junkie and just feel like something is horribly wrong until I fill up on information.

I never travel anywhere without a book. Sometimes it will get to the point that the books or fact videos I'm reading just aren't getting the solid fulfilling facts in my head quick enough - they have too much mushy 'ease you in' stuff that usually I do like.

I've spent the past twenty minutes scanning my gamsat books for solid facts to fill me up. I also made some postit notes with bare bones equations and lovely dry memorisable stuff.

I have to work all of tomorrow (not intellectually challenging stuff at all) so anticipate a bit of a gimme facts to eat freak out when I get back. So should be set up for that. At least it helps me make sure I do fit in revision somewhere. I just hope my brain doesn't lose it before I arrive home.

Well news

I did pass my driving test. Its still really scary driving. I've driven to two different places so far, none further way than 15minute drive (though that one took me 45 minutes to get there!)

My boss contacted me yesterday and told me he wanted me to work today - yeah he does that. I'm on a contract which means that he can fire me at any second if he wants and thats it - i'm gone - no notice needed or anything. Plus its 30 miles away - so a 60 mile round journey.

Needless to say I'm a little worried. Plus I have a weekend of training starting tomorrow for my volunteer work.

Yeah, I've been becoming a tad put off by the volunteer work so far. Some of it is good - but most of it is information overload and 'you must do this' 'you must do that' 'you are letting down the standards if you act like that'.

I know they are investing money paying for training and stuff, but seriously they've got to remember that we're doing this for free. Sometimes it feels like we are being treated like naughty school children and like they forget that at times.

To be perfectly honest I thought I'd enjoy it more. I have comtemplated quitting. But then I think about why I did this in the first place. And how much money they've invested into me so far. Then I feel guilty for keeping going with it because they are only using more money and time to train me and that could go to someone who really does enjoy every step of the process.

The studying isn't going as well as I had hoped. I'm about two and a bit chapters behind on my general chemistry work, and the last chapter in particular isn't making sense. I want to get a score in the gamsat that will make people's jaws drop in awe. Something that will make me proud of myself.

I want to go into my shadowing of doctors and volunteering (other volunteer work) and have that feeling that says 'this is what I want to do'. I want that facination to grow so that I know this is something I can happily spend the rest of my life on. And I want to enjoy the process step by step (or enough of it that I don't hate it).

Right now I just want to stop the world and get off. Just until I get my batteries recharged.