Interview passed!

The medical next, though not worried about that. I'm healthy and my eyesight seems fine, so hopefully that'll be ok. Then I can volunteer with the police.

Sometimes my mom makes me feel bad by saying something like she did today. I was talking to her about how I wanted to build up my cv a bit more with more experience of key stage 2 and 3 pupils so I'll stand more of a chance getting onto a solid pgce course that will offer me a good chance at employment afterwards. So I was talking about volunteer work I could do.

She turns around and basically puts down the volunteer work in favour of me getting a paid job. She knows thats what I've been trying to do for the past year. And I still send out applications for everything from teaching assistant to cleaner. But I need experience, so if I got to do that by doing unpaid work, then I'll do unpaid work so I can get the paid stuff.

I'm a calm person, but stuff like that and my little sister telling me I should go out and get a job like its that easy. And her rubbing in my face that she has a 'job' and I don't - her version of a job being a saturday job she only got because she'd young enough that they don't have to pay her minimum wage for a adult. Though when I can get it, I work more hours a week as a cleaner than she did.

And I know I should be able to get more jobs than a cleaner. I'm intelligent, hard working, have good gcses, a-levels, a degree and coming up to a third of a part time masters degree. I have work experience, sure I'm young so its not a lot, and a lot of it was unpaid, but I have experience.

I want independence so bad, but to get that I need money, and to get that I need a job - or y'know a popular published book, but thats lot more unlikely so its going to remain a hobby for a while as apposed to a main pursuit.

Anyway rant over, I'm just feeling frustrated I guess. I'll start fresh tomorrow with chores, exam revision, job applications and writing. Eventually it all has to work out, right?

Well the shift went fine

The kids were interesting and parts of it were actually quite fun. It wasn't as scary as I was worried it might be.

Now I have to wait to see if they contact me again I think, and I'm also waiting to see if I passed my interview to volunteer with the police. Tomorrow I get to get started on getting braces for my teeth, I get to have x rays done.

The past couple of days I've had a sore throat which sometimes makes me cough, but the bad part is the fever and headaches I seem to be getting. I hate it when I can't think straight, and yet I'm still well enough to function for the most part. Its annoying as it doesn't seem to be going away and I'm used to when I'm ill (which is usually not that often) it having a predictable pattern of ok to coming down with something to the illest I shall be, then better, usually in a fairly short span. Only this seems to be stuck in one mode and just not changing.

Its annoying and I want to feel normal again. My exams coming up and I'm having trouble focusing, not to mention I don't know how bad I'm going to make it if I go in for my usual heavy duty temp work this friday. I'm going to try it, but I don't think my heads going to thank me. Think I'll focus on the fact that if need be I can collapse and go to sleep when I come back home.

Interview over

Made them laugh, maybe thats a good sign? Won't know whether or not I pass for a few days probuly. So its a waiting game.

Tomorrow I get to have a shift of work with some very difficult  and sometimes violent teenagers. Aparlently they are very abusive, and I can say I won't let it get to me but I'll just have to see how it goes and try not to let it get to me. If I do well there might be a job in it at some stage, maybe.

So I have that and I also have to start really buckling down for my exam thats due in under a month. Should be fun.

Police Interview tomorrow

Tomorrow I have my interview that will help determine whether they accept or reject me as a police volunteer. How do I feel? Terrified would be my answer.

Thats ok though, because I know that once its over I'll feel all the more relieved. Particually if I pass it. I really hope I pass it.


I've prepared, and prepared and prepared and still feel I need to prepare some more. I really want this, and I hope I make a great impression or at least a good one.

Off to sleep, last thing I need is to be overtired tomorrow since knowing me I'm not going to be able to stop moving until the interview is over.

Girls are scared of spiders

Picture the scene. I'm typing away happily at my laptop, my faithful feline friend decides I am obviously not happy enough so takes it upon herself to give me a present. She jumps on my bed, drops something next to me with a cheerful chirp. I don't look down as I've taught her to fetch so she's forever bringing things to throw for her. So she picks it up and drops it again with a louder chirp.

I look down and there right next to me is a spider about four centremetres across with a large body. Seeing she has my attention, she taps it and it uncurls and trots across my bedcovers.

My natural reaction is to jump up, and with a big grin on my face go to show our family friend living with us the cool present my cat got me. She gasps and looks faintly sick as I remember I need to take photo, so pick it up and use webcam to make photographic evidence of its size. I go out to throw it away when my sister passes me with her friend. Naturally I show them and they run in opposite directions.

Then my sister showing a wonderful devious streak tells me to show it to the rest of her friends, over half a dozen girls and one boy. They all make various sounds of disgust, horror and fear. The boy doesn't flinch.

Finally I am free to throw my wonderful present out into the garden and tell my cat it was a wonderful thought and I did really like it. Every single girl there was scared of that spider, except me of course. I'm either going to have to start questioning my gender or just assume them to be a bunch of wimps.

In my honest opinion, they're bunch of pansies.

Well today has been difficult

Today I did a days work as a cleaner. I lost count of how many beds I stripped and remade. Its a temp job and definately not my idea of an ideal occupation, but I'm waiting for a early years assistant job's crb to come through - though even that is just a casual job. If theres one thing a day working as a cleaner does, its provide a lot of motivation to get a job that doesn't leave you quite so sore and bored.


Tired and demotivated, and want something to go right. Not to mention I'm still wondering when I'm going to get paid for it, and how much. And - this is the big thing - I'm planning on going back monday for another day of it. But work is work and anything I can get right now is a good thing.

Just currently really quite desperate for a perminant job. I'm not saying it has to be full time or perfect. As long as its above 16 hours so I can get off job seekers allowance, is consistant and doesn't make me despair of life too much at the end of a day. Though I feel I'm asking too much with that.

I have a degree, great grades and am doing a part time masters degree (cause learning is as much an obsession of mine as writing). I don't know why its so difficult for me to get a job.

In other news I have a good couple of big events coming up. In a few weeks I sit my interview to be able to volunteer in the police. I'm really quite scared as this is the step I am most worried about not passing. I'm physically fit, intelligent enough but interviews let me down. I'm too honest and have a hard time selling myself because of that. Plus aspergers syndrome means that frequently people misinterpret my body language, which I feel also lets me down.

However being scared doesn't exactly help matters, so instead I've decided to be well prepared. Starting tomorrow (though I've kinda started a while ago) I'm researching the core competencies and deciding which examples from my life I will use and which questions might crop up.

Also have a exam in a little over a month - am scared about that too. I have to pass both. So full effort into both, and lets hope nothing trips me up and I make it.

More to add later about my time as a cleaner and the morally questionable things I learnt. Tomorrow I am preparing for my exam and police interview, applying for jobs with renewed vigour and fitting in some time somewhere to do some writing. So tired.